posted by Poolside on Dec 31
Here’s supermodel Elle Macpherson in a bikini at Sydney Harbor on Sunday. If you don’t know who Elle Macpherson is, congratulations, I’m old. That said, remember the episode of Friends when Elle was Joey’s roommate time I built a Ferrari with a chainsaw then sucker punched a grizzly bear after making love to a beautiful woman? Chandler was so jealous! Chandler was so jealous!
posted by Poolside on Dec 24
Here’s somebody I had completely forgotten about: Former supermodel Stephanie Seymour. Back in the day, Stephanie was up there with the likes of Cindy Crawford and Claudia Schiffer, and she was one of the original Victoria’s Secret Angel. You might also remember her as Axl Rose’s girlfriend who he beat the shit out of then tried to sue for $100,000 after they broke up. In case he forgot, I included two pics just for Axl (Here and here.), so he can cry a little bit harder the next time he fails to bang Kelly Osbourne. Merry Christmas!
NOTE: Added the classic Guns N’ Roses video “November Rain” featuring Stephanie and the greatest Slash solo ever after the jump.
posted by Poolside on Dec 22
Here’s the second round of exclusive pics from Kim Kardashian’s 2009 Wall Calendar. Now with more seductively placed area rugs and Western-themed innuendos. Giddy up!
Thanks again to Kim Kardashian who wants you to swing by her online store and pick up a calendar for someone you love this holiday. On that note, Grandma, your Christmas just got shitloads more awesome! And to think, I almost bought you that Josh Groban CD you wanted. You’re welcome.
posted by Poolside on Dec 20
Jennifer Aniston, in her epic quest to be goddamn everywhere I look, stopped by Letterman last night where she bestowed upon Dave the conveniently placed tie from her nude GQ photo shoot. (Have you heard about that? I mean today - for the hundredth time.) Anyway, here’s a short transcript of the exchange:
JENNIFER: This is an early Christmas present.
DAVE: Oh, my. Get a close-up on this, will ya? That is the tie.
JENNIFER: Well, put it on. *claps*
DAVE: I would, but it seems to be giving off an overpowering scent of vinegar and water.
JENNIFER: What? The last person who had it - JOHN!
JOHN MAYER: *sings offstage* I magically play the guitar, let me put my penis in you…
JENNIFER: Yes, master.
DAVE: Yes, master.
JOHN: Damn, overshot that one. *sings* David Letterman, put your pants back on…
Video after the jump.
posted by Poolside on Dec 20
Mark Ruffalo’s brother Scott did NOT die playing Russian Roulette. According to a statement from the Los Angeles County Coroner’s, his death is being ruled a homicide. The AP reports:
Coroner’s spokesman Craig Harvey says an autopsy determined that someone shot 39-year-old Scott M. Ruffalo in the head. He was found with a gunshot wound early Dec. 1 and died a week later at a hospital after being released from life support.
Police do not have any suspects in custody and had not been notified of the coroner’s determination by Wednesday evening, Sgt. Michael Publicker said. He said the agency had no further statements on the case.
Fantastic stuff here. Nothing like being told your brother killed himself playing Russian Roulette only to find out “Just kidding!” Someone shot him and the police stopped looking for suspects a week ago. To make things up to Mark Ruffalo, I hear the cops are going to back over his wife with a patrol car - then give him a parking ticket. Fa la la la la!
posted by Poolside on Dec 18
Hey, remember when Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio made a movie about the perils of boating? Well, they’d really appreciate it if you arbitrarily buy a ticket for their new film Revolutionary Road based solely on your sense of nostalgia. Also, Jack lives at the end of this one - and they have babies!
NOTE: Dear Dreamworks, that’s how you market. Merry Christmas!
posted by Poolside on Dec 17
Jennifer Aniston recently posed nude for the cover of GQ, but surprise! She also posed nude inside the magazine. It’s a Christmas miracle! Here are those pics minus the boring interview words about hating Angelina Jolie. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find out whose tie that is and staple it to their neck. ‘Tis the season for helping others.
posted by Poolside on Dec 15
Audrina Patridge tried on bikinis yesterday while her Hills co-star Lauren Conrad sat and watched which, I’m guessing, was tantamount to torture for two reasons: 1. Lauren probably can’t pour her coffee in the morning without getting slapped silly by Audrina’s insane breast gap. 2. It’s never fun to be reminded that when you wear a bikini, you exude the raw sexuality of oatmeal. No, really, I’ve been more aroused by the Quaker Oats guy. (For the record: I drunkenly confused him for a MILF. Thank God Mrs. Buttersworth was there…)
posted by Poolside on Dec 14
As the world turns:
- Scarlett Johansson hosts gala event for Nobel Peace Prize winner. Because nothing brings legitimacy to an organization like a woman who dips her teeth in gold as gifts. Good game, Nobel. [CNN Europe]
- Heath Ledger nominated for posthumous Golden Globe. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie forced to settle for lame prehumous nominations and might as well not even show up. [I Watch Stuff]
- Mark Ruffalo drops out of movie to mourn brother’s death. Ben Stiller to replace him because Hollywood’s a sucker for compounding tragedies. [E! Online]
- Josh Hartnett wins lawsuit against Daily Mirror who admitted to fabricating a story of him having sex in a library. Had they made it two women and one was the Little Mermaid, Josh would’ve let it slide - for the children. [TMZ]
posted by Poolside on Dec 11
Jennifer Lopez also attended the premiere of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button last night and reminded the world she has breasts; A fact all too many of us seem to forget these days. Honestly, I blame myself. Somehow I hope you guys can find it in your hearts to forgive me - and not just for the make-up sex.
